TO: All Members of Parliament and their staff
FROM: The Department of Obsolete Industry
RE: Mandatory Seal Garment Program
Spring has sprung, and what better way to demonstrate your fidelity to seal fur than, well, wearing it!
But there are some important things you should know before you just slap on that vest or shimmy into those leggings! Following these rules could keep you from raising the ire of your constituents, most of whom actually oppose the Commercial Seal Harvest.
Do: Stride with confidence while sporting your new sealskin vest.
Don’t: Give away how uncomfortable you are in the stiff and bristly garment.
Do: Try new and fresh ways to wear sealskin: shorts, sweatbands, and crop tops.
Don’t: Limit your seal wardrobe to the winter.
Do: Play to your strengths. Want to accentuate those calves? Sealskin stilettos are a must!
Don’t: Let it all hang out. Have a little extra around the middle? Try a sealskin cummerbund!
Do: Show your pride in the Commercial Seal Harvest!
Don’t: Be shy about your support of the Commercial Seal Harvest!
So whether you just want a splash of seal fur in the form of a bowtie, or you are going all out in a seal evening gown, remember—wearing seal fur during the Commercial Seal Harvest is MANDATORY And don’t forget to be photographed by the media!
Thanks so much,
Wayne Mustardson, M. GS., AAA
Minster of Obsolete Industry
January 27, 2014
August 9, 2013
June 6, 2013
May 14, 2013
April 12, 2013