DOI Memo: countering the seal huggers during harvest season

From: Minister Mustardson

Date: March 14, 2013 2:23:34 AM EDT

To: All DOI staff

Subject: The Seal Harvest is Starting Up! Yippee!

Hi there, Wayne Mustardson here, your fearless Minister.

As many of you know, the Commercial Seal Harvest is about to begin once again. This means there will be plenty of bleating from the seal huggers about how the industry is wasteful, how there aren’t any markets, and how we, the government, don’t provide factual information to Canadians.

This year, in an attempt to counter the inevitable swarm of nasty complaining from the radical vegetarian set, we’ll be doing some communications work ourselves. I call it the “Got a problem? BLAME THE SEALS!” campaign (still working on that title…)

We all know that those carrot munchers want us to believe that seals are nothing but loveable children’s entertainers, or that they are an “Important” part of marine ecosystems, or something.

So we’ve cooked up some great counter-spin to remind Canadians that seals are actually vicious predators!

Take a look at the attached proofs and see what you think.

I’m sure they’ll make you proud to say you work at the DOI!

Sincerely,

The Honourable Wayne Mustardson, M. GS., AAA

Seals: Are they fish? Are they mammals?

They flaunt international borders...

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