Bring Canada Back to the Blubber

Hi there,

I’m Wayne Mustardson, Minister of Obsolete Industry.

I’m really excited to be introducing a brand new—and extremely costly—initiative from the Department of Obsolete Industry: Seal Blubber Innovation Tax Credits. 

For decades the DOI has been protecting politically important Canadian industries from certain doom. From video cassette recorders to pantaloons, the DOI has a long record of intervening in the free market with millions of taxpayer dollars. And after many remarkable failures, we think we’ve really hit upon a recipe for success.
 
The Commercial Seal Harvest is one fast-sinking ship. So to throw this Titanic a life preserver, we’re offering generous tax credits for home and automobile owners that bring Canadians back to their blubbery roots. I myself just finished a renovation using seal blubber-based interior paint, and let me tell you, these products get my “seal of approval.”  (I’m just so punny today!)
 
But you don’t have to take my word for it—why not watch the story of Janet and Ted. They’ll convince you that when it comes to home improvement, blubber just can’t be beat.
 
So get started today with these money-saving tax credits, and help us Bring Canada Back to the Blubber.
 
Warmest regards,
 
The Honourable Wayne Mustardson
Minister of Obsolete Industry
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