Welcome to the Department of Obsolete Industry! We here at the DOI take great pride in our long history and great accomplishments, whether it’s saving the noble VHS tape from total extinction, or lengthening the slow, painful demise of the commercial seal harvest.
I think you’ll agree that the customer doesn’t always know what’s right, or what’s best for the economy. Why, if every time consumer choice actually dictated what products were kept on the shelf, you’d never be able to buy bacon-flavoured toothpaste! That’s why we at the Department of Obsolete Industry keep a watchful eye on how Canadian business performs, both here at home and around the world. When an ancient and venerable industry like the commercial seal harvest begins to flounder (pardon the marine pun), as it did 40 years ago, we roll up our sleeves and get to work keeping it afloat (there I go again with the punnery!) with lifeboats full of taxpayer dollars.
And we’re sure you’ll agree that our generous spending of your tax money is well worth it. For instance, our current work on the commercial seal harvest brings a bit of the 18th century right into the homes of the 21st. At one time we British North Americans—or Canadians, if you prefer—were the world’s biggest single exporter of seal blubber. Our blubber lit city streets as far away as London. But along came the 20th century, and electricity started to wreak havoc with our traditional and beloved seal industry. People demanded access to light at the flick of a switch!
That’s why the DOI has developed a new series of innovative tax credits for home and automobile owners that gets us back to our blubbery roots. Now that's something I'll give my "seal of approval" to.
So please, apply for these tax credits today, and help the Department of Obsolete Industry do what it does best—cling desperately to the past, and spend a whole lot of money doing it.
The Honourable Wayne Mustardson, M. GS, AAA (member since 1998)
Minister of the Department of Obsolete Industry